With 9 days to go I am now counting in the single digits. Bear with me as I cannot escape the similarities of being in labor and delivery with the rehearsals and immanent opening night. This process is like being pregnant, lots of preparation, planning then suddenly the labor begins and all the planning seems a distant past as the intensity consumes your thoughts and any distraction is an equally intense annoyance. All energy is spent on the labor with the goal of delivery.
The time is here and no escaping the intense and focused rehearsals with 9 days until opening night. The most common statement a woman in labor says, “I changed my mind I don’t want to do this anymore” I have felt this in the past several weeks and have even said it silently in my head. But only in my head! My heart presses on!
Tonight at the Fringe theatre is the annual fundraiser “The Longest Dinner” in which a very long table is set and a fabulous dinner is served. I’m going to mix and mingle with the many guests attending. I will be wearing my sandwich board. I will be promoting my show.
With 3 weeks to go to opening night I am truly humbled from the encouraging words I have been receiving. In fact, just this morning, my daughter Audrey shared a dream she had about me and my show. She had the dream awhile ago and kept forgetting to mention it or the timing to share it was off 🙂 I’m glad we finally connected for me to hear it.
It takes courage to follow ones dream and the encouraging voices I have heard spoken to me recently has been fuel to my courage. I appreciate immensely these words. Thank you, each of you who have offered those beautiful words to me and over me. They have not gone unnoticed.
With full rehearsals beginning in one day the courage within me grows along with my sheer determination to press through any doubt, fear or discouragement. I want this solo performance with all my heart!
During a high school convocation a woman speaker was there. She was kind. She was inspiring and encouraging. She spoke life giving words, though I don’t remember what they were. What I do remember was I wanted to do what she was doing.
What she said and what she was doing sparked something deep within me. I approached her afterwards wanting more from her but having no idea what to ask. She looked directly into my eyes graciously smiling and shook my hand. We connected for a brief moment and then she departed. I was 15.
Years later I watched another woman alone on stage share pieces of her life. She was good and her storytelling was beautiful. Again my heart yearned to do what she was doing. Sitting there I could think of nothing else I would rather be doing with my life. I was 38.
I saw these moments as gifts in the journey of life, theirs and mine. They shared to an audience of complete strangers pieces of their heart and soul. They shared intimate places from their hearts. They were alive and living. They represented to me a humanness that I had not participated in yet. These women gifted the world with their wisdom, humor, authenticity, transparency, grace, courage and beauty. I wanted what they demonstrated before me.
Our lives matter. We all have something within us to share with one another. Perhaps being on stage to do this isn’t for everyone which is ok because those of us who do long to be on that stage need an audience. 🙂 But it isn’t really about “being” on stage for me as it is about using my God given talent for storytelling…………for telling my story to inspire, and encourage others. And perhaps there will be a woman or a man sitting out there in the audience who will be touched. Who will be moved to become someone they have deeply longed to become.
I was born for such a time as this.
Book of Esther
Being in this moment of creating my solo performance and watching the pieces fall into place feels a bit surreal. I am in the midst….smack dab in the middle of watching and experiencing my dream take shape. So this is what it feels like to be living one’s own history.
Hmmm not quite what I expected though I wasn’t really sure what to expect. Right now I am experiencing “hard”. This process right now is hard for me. I feel as if I am all over the place. What do I mean by that? In my heart and head I see the finished product—my performance. But knowing 46 days to opening night ……………well this feels a bit daunting. I wanted to be further along in this process. I feel I am shooting in the dark with this first solo performance and without a gauge to measure.
Another challenge for me is this marketing aspect for Fringe. Most definitely not in my comfort zone at least the graphic design part then the Nuvo ad then the printing of postcards and posters. I think of those long credits at the end of a movie acknowledging all those people who worked on the film. No wonder film making costs so much. Hec all I want to think about is rehearsal and working on my actual performance. I have enlisted help and I’m looking forward to having my own list of credits!!
After my not so good promotional video yesterday and crying about it for hours afterwards. I had a good conversation with a friend who knows my heart for this show. All is not lost. I am learning in this process despite my frustration and being out of my comfort zone.
This is my first solo. I don’t think I will receive a Tony nomination. Don’t think Vanity Fair will be asking for an interview with a cover shoot. I need to give myself a break. I will make mistakes and probably during my performance. I will recover and keep going. I will do another show, then another, then another and another. I will submit an application for another Fringe Festival in some other city.
I met the deadline. I have submitted my title, 50 word description and image. Whew! This deadline presented many challenges for me not so much the deadline but what was required. Sometimes I feel like I’m Jerry Seinfeld with the show about nothing.
So having finally decided on my title then the 50 word description of my title followed up with an image to represent my title and description I am feeling less “Seinfeld”. Why did I have such a challenge? Because these three components title, image and description will convey to my potential audience an exciting, worth your $10, you gotta see, this looks interesting kind of show! I understood the importance of these components and I wanted to have these working for me and not the other way around. I will trust that I have accomplished this.
Oh my, June 2, 2013 already! I have secured a director for my performance!! That sounds so cool on so many levels! Sounds cool that I can even announce I have a director and sounds cool announcing I have a director because I actually have a performance that is in need of a director! Cool! You get the idea 🙂
This is huge for me. Actually ALL of this is huge for me. I have a theatre, the Phoenix! I have 6 shows and dates. I have a director, Tim Taylor…………No not the “Tool Man”. I have Me and boy am I giddy. This is happening yet I still find myself in disbelief; though the disbelief calmly dissipates from my thoughts because this is happening! Those deadlines keep reminding me. In fact those deadlines are cool too! I am determined to go forward and create this venture. Failure isn’t an option. Quitting isn’t an option. Cool.
The day began quite normal for this blossoming solo performer. I woke thinking about my upcoming show and the deadline that I would not be meeting today. Visions of failure were dancing through my head. I quickly captured that thought and cast it into the “pit of despair”, thank you “Holy Grail”!
I made the call to the fabulous Pauline Moffat director of Indy Fringe and she assured me I was OK and not to worry as the deadline was June 7.
Whew………a week to work on my graphics for marketing and promoting my show. NO biggie!!! Except I’ve never done “graphics” again Pauline calmly assured me no worries this is all part of show biz!!!
After our conversation ended I calmly approached my laptop, sat before the screen staring at all the vintage film posters I had searched out to gather ideas for my “graphics” that would represent the “essence” of my show! I thought I was just going to get up on stage and perform, do my thing, wow the audience…………and that’s the kicker I’ve got to have an audience or this won’t be nearly as fun.
As if thinking about my show, writing the script, finding a director and rehearsal isn’t enough to be doing before August 15. I’ve got to be promoting and marketing myself. Which brings me to this……..the BLOG world!
Hec…EVERYBODY blogs at least that’s what I’m told. I started one a few months ago on WordPress but found it painful to navigate thus I ignored it.
However, today is a new day and I enlisted the help of my gracious daughter Olivia. She is 26 and of course has a very nice blog. We made the plan to chat via the phone while we viewed the blog site on line together to help me navigate the Blogger.
After several frustrating minutes she suggests we face time so she can see my screen. This worked much better as I held my iphone up to my laptop screen so she could see what I was talking about. As you can see my blogspot is coming along and I will be adding videos/youtube soon. I’m feeling quite successful about all this blogging and in fact I’m finding it quite enjoyable to be writing.
But back to that “graphics” stuff and sitting in front of my laptop looking at ALL those graphics and what needed to be done, deadline to be met, and my show……………….I began to cry. Partly from this marketing stuff to be done but mostly because I am deep in the middle of moving towards my goal and dream of creating this solo performance. This isn’t a one time deal for me. I’m done with doubting myself. I’m done hiding and being ashamed of who I am. I’m done explaining myself. I have been gifted with the talent of public speaking, story telling, humor, wit and have a passion to perform the things within my heart to inspire others to live life with passion and purpose. I have overcome much.
This is me, Susan! Solo Performer! One Woman Show! My story as only I can tell.
Fall of 2012 my soul was restless. Another year was coming to a close and my dream of performing was no closer. Unable to shake this stirring within me I decided if I want something different in my life then I must do something different. I did not want to be in this same place a year from now…
By November I had searched out “how to write a script” I found Tanya Taylor Rubinstein who helps people create their solo performances. I flew to her Santa Fe studio in December for her described “boot camp” of one on one with her for 4 days! There in her studio I pulled from within me the “stuff” deep within my heart and soul to form the foundation for my dream of creating a solo performance. I had begun!
|Santa Fe, NM :: December 9, 2012|
Returning home I entered the 2013 Indy Fringe Festival. I’m doing this. I continued to work on my script, shaping it, molding, editing it in fact I am still in that process. Indy Fringe is 3 1/2 months away! I’m looking for my first Director…… WOW! That feels really cool to say that.
I am learning marketing strategies to entice/inspire people to make the choice to attend my upcoming show!
I’m excited yet a little bit scared. I am in the middle of making my dream happen and at times it feels like I’m dreaming until the reality of a deadline to meet brings me quickly to my senses. I’m pressing forward and that is the promise I made to myself go forth Susan be who you were created to be……………YOU!